When you're gone.

Every time you're away, the feelings of uncertainty, worry and paranoia all come like waves of a tsunami. We've been thru this quite a number of times actually because you've gone back to Melbourne quite a lot while we're together. I know every time we go thru, we mean well for each other but every time I get upset and we end up arguing which leads to us being too upset to talk. I know it's my fault because I get upset, but it confuses me why I always take everything you say personally and think that it's a bad thing. You would always reassure me in every way possible to make me less worried, less uncertain and less paranoid because.. from all the fights we had, I slowly learnt that it is hard but I would rather us fight then break up and never have the chance to talk to you.

I love you Marcus Peter Hernan. I don't know what I'd do if something were to happen to you. You are the love of my life. I cannot wait for the day I get to Melbourne and see you again. I can never get used to you being away. We haven had much time to talk cause of the time difference and your working time. :( That sucks.

I miss you.

Kiss me.

Damn this is was suppose to be posted on 24/11/09 ahaha. it's already December. Leaving in 17 days. Shittttttttt

la la la..

I'm so tired. Not really. If I was, I wouldn't be here blogging. Anyway... Just got back from TUTOR at Boarding House. Answering Isa's Question : I tutor a year 7 girl, well not technically tutoring. I help her with homework and stuff. Nesh comes and help to, when he gets his benefits *wink wink nudge nudge* HAHA I have a love/hate relationship with tutoring at boarding. I like being around the people and feeling like family BUT I am so impatient so when I tutor, I want to kill!!!! Yeah but ain't that bad. NESH was so fucking annoying tonight. He kept saying I'm FAT!! I tried to hit him in the nuts but failed! GOD considering the things I did for him (nothing really AHAHA) But yeah.

*sing* Kiss me beneath the milky twilight....

Shit.. Getting side tracked!! Anyway.. Today was shit, literally shit! At school, they had the BGIC week thing right? Well, the year 7 to 9 kids were doing sports, I don't get how that is BGIC ok! Yes back to the shit part. I had to follow Ms Ross (new librarian/PE teacher) cause she lost her voice at Forbessia(?) , NO ONE TOLD ME SO I WORE MY NICE SHOES TO SCHOOL AND I HAD TO WALK IN THE MUDDY FIELD!!! My socks felt soggy *bleugh* But after that, I got to stay in the library. Not long tho. :( Walked around and stuff. Damn tiring. Tomorrow I have to like drive the student counsel people to Pusat Bahagia ok!! LIKE FTW I'm the driver now? Dangit. I have to put up photos onto boards and such. See, what my life has become? HAHA. Nesh doesn't come early to school cause he thinks that all these things that I do, INSULTS our intelligence!! But I mean we all have to start somewhere right?

*sing* Kiss me thru the phone....

GAHHH side tracking! Oh I saw Jennifer on Sunday at Lucky. Dim Sum was gooood. I am going to miss cheap and chinesey dim sum. I need to hang out with so many people before I leave. But between ISB in the morning and tutoring at night, makes it really hard.

Marcus is leaving this Sunday to Melbourne yos! And I shall be seeing him on 24th December. Quite nervous to see his family. CAUSE they're white!!! I am so not being racist. They might have different view of things >.<>

OHHHH yesterday I finally met Hamish! He was cool ^^ We grab some stuff to eat and we played COD, then George, Lee, Dan and Raymond came to play too. They were kinda pissed that we won't play the normal one BUT I like Modern Warfare better. I want to try Modern Warfare 2. The freaking knife throw was so fucking awesome! Wonder if I can actually use it tho. Oh Vell.

Went to JIS to have dinner with Marcus and we watched a bit of Mall Cop while waiting for Sharif to come. MALL COP is the SHIT! We ate while watching, then he had to go set up so I was alone in the music room :( THEN Nesh came to pick up Mukesh, apparently he saw my car so he came in!! WE ARE GOING SHOPPING TOMORROW!!! I'm going to get an iPod, secret santa and stuff..

Chloe

The Climb

So I am aware that I have not blogged in a while so let me briefly tell you what has happened to me.

• Working as a volunteer at ISB and tutoring at night.
• Spent 10days without Marcus.
• Arranged my Uni stuff and getting ready to get my Visa done.
• Made new friends, like George, Dan, Faiz and such.
• Went out til ultra late when Marcus wasn't around.
• Sorting out my CV(now actually)
• Missing my CHMS friends loads :'(
• Hung out with random friends.
• Getting super NERVOUS about going to Melb.

so yes that might actually summarize the thing I've been doing. Sad really, so little things! But yes, been depressed at times. Things like friends, family and life make me so unsure of so many things. Like am i doing the right things? Choosing the right way? Friends-wise is really disturbing really. Some people who i care about sometimes turns out to be the people who care about me least, even so I'm still friends with them. People who I thought didn't care as much turned out to be more caring than I thought which is good. But some just take me for granted you see. I'm not trying to say that I'm the greatest friend in the world but don't just hangout with me and when others come along just toss me to the side like some trash. I don't know. I've been feeling like this for quite a while. Like literally i feel like I have no friends but I know that's not true cause i have FUCKING AWESOMEST FRIENDS EVER!! Although, Marcus tells me at times some people just use me cause i can drive, I tend to push that to the back of my mind. Needy much. But I guess sometimes I'm too naive, and I don't see it like that.

*GAD sorrry I tend to bring my depression to my blog as you can seeee from above*

Anyway, working at ISB ain't that bad. Even tho some people tell me that. HAHA. But yes, no pictures yet. My laptop for some reason won't let me. Piss me off. But yes.

TO ALL MY FRIENDS: I MISS YOU ALL SO MUCH! I REALLY TRULY DEEPLY DO!!

I'm really excited/nervous/scared I'll be leaving in less than 2 months. It scared me really. But I shall be living with Marcus's family for like a week before moving into Hawthorn House. Relief really. At least I can get used to Melbourne for a bit before moving in. Hopefully I shall be meeting Hamish, his Gf and David. They're going to be close to where I live so convenience!!

OK I know you're sick of me talking crap and random shit. I shall find some shit that's more interesting to talk about. Also, will try to blog more often now.

Chloe

Puh-lease!!

I am watching 'Friends' now...and i just remembered something...[ note it is going to be a very angry post..i am ranting...so if you do not wantto read..bye bye! ]

there has been quite a lot of people..well people who go way back with me...since Form 1 or people older than me.....who has seen me fit before... why do i say this? it's because some of these people tend to compare my figure with before..i mean..why? why do they notice this so much?so what if i am less fit than i was before? so what ha?haven these people ever stop and think why? because i stop sports in Form 5.. why i stopped? because there's something wrong with my foot.. so whenever you want to criticise me or my weight...back the fuck off.. some of these people are freaking hypocrite because they were fit before and are bigger than i am now and still criticises me...like really?! fuck off will you? and there is one more thing...well there not many people who do this next thing ..theres only 2... they are so shameless.. as you all may know..my boyfriend is australian.. and so these 2 people think that it is appropriate to ask me about his 'size' and how the sex is....like what the fuck..i am a girl...and you are guys..can you have some fucking respect for other people...so inconsiderate!

yes rant over!!

sent off Chris S the other day...cried like crazy..hmm ..and Marcus started work this week..and im going to help Ms C at ISB next week..just something to occupy myself haha..

Amelia is leaving on the 13th..shit man...everyone is leaving..Shim is leaving on the 12th i think..omg...hopefully we'll all still keep in touch..

Cookie~

Little time!

So i have not blogged in waaaaaay too long.. but a lot of things has been happening...like Chris S getting back..so it has been Gadong then beach then Gadong then COD then Chill and such...but yeah...i would post pictures but for soem reason i can't post pictures with my Firefox...soo i shall wait til i get a new laptop but haha..i have been bumming around lately...nothing to do cept picking up my brother seeing MyFish,ChrisJen, Amelia and haven seen LACE in a while but saw Lynn the other day..

and apparently i am not working anymore and so i shall be helping my Mum organise her Annual Dinner for LeSwan...and be my brother's driver...-.- sigh... but yeah..oh well which means more time which mean more outings haha..

and as you can see my chatbox has returned HAHA..so YAY... and well if you guys want to like know what im doing follow me on twitter.com/kalowee hahaha

will blog more when i have more time..now i have to pick up bro soon..haha...

see yous

6 hours of being 18 years old..

well Bong wanted me to blog but the blogger is refusing to let me upload photos so yeah...a wordy post i suppose... this few days have been ok...after exams finish we had our prom which was a total blast...food was good, speeches were funny, performances that was awesome and dancing was a few people HAHA...but yeah...

then after that nothing much cept for hang outs at Gadong, chilling at the beach, birthdays and fooooood HAHA...i have like gained weight..which is not cool..my weight has gone over the weigh that i allow my self to weigh...so yeah...pretty shittty.... awesome for self esteem ey... but yeah..anyway...

had Naji's birthday party, Natasha's and Chris S's...all a blast...and like CNN are going to be 19 years old man...haha...as in Chloe Naji Natasha...yes i know...don't look at me like that..i am allowed to be lame even tho i'm old ok! so yeah...

been hanging out with M a lot...like everyday....so yeah...spent like 24 hours with him the other day which is muy great! ahaha....but then haven seen a lot of people in a long while..but yes shall be seeing them soooooooon HAHA so yeah...nothing happening much not...cept for RESULTS...... apparently we can go into school to get our results cause of the whole swine flu shit but yeah...i don't know...Jacob called me and told me when M and i were blasting zombies' heads off and i have very shitty memory...maybe that comes with turning old....[no shit Chloe what do you think?] shut up ok...emo already my age..don't rub it in ....gosh i have to stop talking to myself...people might think i'm strange..[ what are you talking about..you are strange...] see i did it again HAHA

shall plan to lose weight....soon -ish..maybe next month...hmmm..maybe aug...going to Melb in July...hmm..but yes....but how can i lose weight when food is soo good....oh like chicken rice...i never get sick of it...*drools awww man....not cool.. will try to upload pictures soon!!!

chloee 5 and 1/2 hours til i'm 19...shit-ness *flare*

*purple-licious~

Hmm...i just realized that i have so any things that are Pink...hmmm but i loveeeee Purple so much...shit...OMFG....VAIO CS SERIES HAS A PURPLE COLOR BUT ITS LIKE SUPER SUPER LIMITED...SOOO ANGRYY!!!ARGHHHH!! haha... if im going to Melb i am painting my room PURPLE...HAHA...WITH ORANGE DOTS I THINK haha....awesome-nesss!!! wuuuu if i get an Itouch then i cna get a purple casing...wuuuuu so many possibilities haha...omg i can like imagine my room now...hehehehe....<3<3<3<3 haha... hmm ASUS N51 is pretty cool with awesome tech stuff!!! haha...maybe i can get purple stickers for it...oh my lord.. excitmentttt!! hahaha...



^^chloee